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Post by shannon on May 28, 2008 21:08:31 GMT -5
Breathing wasn't cool. But not being able to breathe... that was worse.
It felt like the walls were closing in on her, squeezing her ever tighter. She couldn't draw in enough oxygen and it was getting worse. She was starting to feel light-headed and disconnected from all reality. She was floating overhead, looking down at a lush green island with perfect sandy beaches and thick green forest. There were people there, screaming and running around amidst the wreckage of a plane. Smoke was rising from the twisted metal, and something exploded in one corner, sending bright orange flames licking up the sparkling blue sky. There was a girl--a young woman, actually, standing on the edge of the chaos, screaming and crying her lungs out. As she floated closer, she realized the girl was her. And she couldn't stop screaming, not even to try and draw more oxygen into her burning lungs that felt scarred by the nearby flames.
"Can't... Breathe...." She uttered desperately, staring up at the nurse with frantic eyes. "I'm... already.... dead..."
Ever since the discovery of the survivors of Flight 815 had been announced, Shannon had been stressed out and sick. She'd had a panic attack upon hearing the news story. She'd spent the whole next day vomiting until she had nothing left. And the nightmares.... they were just getting worse and worse. She could no longer make sense of the bizarre kaleidoscope of images that floated through her brain and caused her to wake up, sweaty and shaking in the middle of the night. So it was only natural after the strange week she'd had that now she would be having the worst asthma attack of her life. Even her inhaler didn't seem to work. She was getting woozy from lack of oxygen, and had finally been forced to call for an ambulance.
But Boone hadn't shown up, and there was no sign of Nora or even Sabrina. She was alone. No one to support her or give a damn if she lived or died. And the strange thing was, Shannon was beginning to wonder if it mattered anyway. Somehow she felt like she was the walking undead, and somehow was living on borrowed time. But that didn't make sense, did it?
"Someone!" she choked out, looking around in confusion for a friendly face. "Help me!"
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Post by booney on Jun 3, 2008 15:05:05 GMT -5
Boone received a phone call from Shannon earlier. Last night she had another one of her nightmares. They were becoming more frequent than usual and honestly it worried him, although he wasn't going to do anything until Shannon wanted him to.
In away, some one could compare Boone to a dog, and Shannon his owner. Anything she wanted him to do, he'd do it, no questions asked, just like a dog would his owner. If Shannon asked Boone to jump through a hoop of fire, he probably would, just to make her happy. Of course, people may say that he was crazy to care for her the way he did even though she has treated him badly. Boone didn't care. As long as she was happy, that was all he cared for.
He decided to check up on Shannon. He was going to do it earlier, however his mother made him do a few things for her before he went off on his own for the day. Putting him a little later behind schedule, he called Shannon just to let him know that he was coming to visit. However, Boone didn't get an answer. This scared him a little bit. Shannon usually always answered the phone. Boone sped off to get to her faster. He weaved in and out of traffic. Once he was there, he weaved in and out of people, running to her door. Boone opened the door quickly, seeing her in her bed. "Shannon," he said worriedly. She was having another one of her asthma attacks.
Boone took one of her hands and looked at the nurse in the room, narrowing his eyes. "Don't just stand there," he said angrily practically yelling. "You have to do something!" The nurse scurried around trying to help Shannon. When it came to her, it wasn't wise to make him angry. Boone turned his attention back to Shannon and reached up and brushed strands of hair from her forehead. "Shh," he said in a gentle whisper. "It's OK. I promise. Just calm down. Don't panic." He moved his hand to her cheek and rubbed his thumb back and forth against her cheek. "Shh. You're going to be OK."
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Post by shannon on Jun 3, 2008 21:16:04 GMT -5
Shannon's breath was coming in sharp, shallow gasps. She just couldn't get enough oxygen, and her heart felt like it was racing in her chest. But her head was swimming; everything was blurry and shimmery as if she was underwater. She felt a hand touch her cheek, a touch so gentle she almost wanted to cry from the tenderness of it. It could only be one person. The only person she could count on.
"Boone..." she gasped, her voice sounding far away and wheezy. "You came..."
Another hand touched her then from the other side, as the nurse began to hook her up to machines. A tiny clip was hooked to her finger; she vaguely recognized the device as a blood pressure monitor. Next they brought in a nebulizer. She remembered it from the time she'd been hospitalized with her first asthma attack when she was 12. A doctor, who she hadn't noticed before, approached her and said, "It's going to be all right. We're just going to give you some Albuterol, OK?"
She nodded dimly as the nebulizer was brought to her face and her lips gently opened. She took the mouthpiece of the nebulizer into her mouth and tried to inhale. After the first couple of breaths, she felt the pressure in her lungs beginnng to ease. She breathed a little more deeply, slowly beginning to relax.
"There you go," the doctor said. "Just keep breathing that for a little while, OK? We'd like to monitor your heart rate for a while."
She was too tired to even nod, she just lay there breathing in the medication while they hooked her up to more machines. Shannon didn't care about them anymore, and she gazed up at Boone, her eyes glassy and unfocused. She couldn't talk with the nebulizer in her mouth, so she hoped that her eyes would say everything she wanted to say to him.
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Post by booney on Jun 4, 2008 7:55:48 GMT -5
"Of course I came," came Boone's reply while he still rubbed his thumb against Shannon's cheek. She looked so helpless. If he could, he would trade places with her. He doubted that she would probably drop everything she was doing to check up on him, but that didn't matter. She would be alright, and not in a hospital bed having trouble breathing.
As the nurse came up and started to put the machines on Shannon, Boone removed his hand from her cheek, but kept holding her hand. He watched as the nebulizer was hooked up and then glanced back down at her. Her golden blond hair was spread a little across her pillow and even though she was in a hospital basically helpless, she still looked beautiful as ever. To Boone, she would still be beautiful even when they became old and their hair turned white. He would still be there for her as long as he could. It wouldn't matter if he had to use a walker, cane, or wheelchair, he would still be there. Boone was too caring for his own good, especially towards Shannon.
"Thanks Doc," replied Boone as the doctor finished up. He gave a nod as the doctor left and the nurse started to check Shannon's IV. He looked down to her again, before glancing behind him and grabbing the chair behind him with his foot to pull it closer so he could sit by her bed. As the nurse left, Boone looked at her again. He gave her a gentle smile. "It's alright," said Boone. "I was going to visit you earlier, but mom made me finish a few things before I left. I tried calling you as I was leaving, but never got an answer so I sped over here. Luckily I didn't pass any cops. After you leave here, you're going to stay with me for at least a day and make sure that you're good." He gave her hand a slight squeeze. "Just rest now. I'll still be here when you wake up. Promise."
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Post by shannon on Jun 6, 2008 14:06:56 GMT -5
Shannon felt the pressure in her lungs easing up little by little as she inhaled the medication from the nebulizer. The room had stopped spinning, and everything seemed more clear and focused than before. Boone was here. She mattered after all. To one person, at least.
She looked up at him, wishing she could tell him just how grateful she was to him for everything that he had done for her. There were so many things that she thought she had lost count. And what the hell had she ever done for him? Anything at all? Or had she always just taken, never given?
There was one thing, she realized, and the memory of it caused her breathing to become heavy once again. How could she have done that? It was wrong, what they had done together. And after all this time since their return home from Australia, she hadn't faced it. She'd forced it out of her mind and tried to pretend it hadn't happened, just as she had told Boone to do.
She'd thought at the time that the reason she had done it was because it was another way to exert her power over him. But now, as she blinked up at him and stared into his beautiful eyes that were the color or the sea, she knew that wasn't the reason.
She loved him, just as much as he loved her. But the way she showed that love was by controling and manipulating him, while he only ever tried to help her. She felt a wave of self-loathing wash over her as she was unable to remember a single thing she had done for him without any self-motivation.
Of course, what she was feeling for him just couldn't be. It was wrong, it was sick, it was crazy. But she could still love him as a brother. Or try to. She could treat him better, and show him that he was more than just a means to an end. He mattered. And she'd miss him desperately if he was gone.
As he squeezed her hand reassuringly, she managed a weak smile. Things were going to be different this time.
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Post by booney on Jun 17, 2008 21:38:14 GMT -5
Boone continued his staring down at Shannon, feeling a pain in his chest. Seeing her laid down in the hospital bed made him hurt and honestly he started to feel his eyes watering. He didn't like seeing her when she was helpless, although he knew that if he had to, he'd take more off work just to take care of her.
His feelings for her had to stop. Boone felt like she didn't really have the same feelings. After all, she told him to forget what happened between them. Boone couldn't forget, he just couldn't, but he did act like it never happened just like she asked. Shannon just used him, again. He didn't care, he would do it again if he had to. What was wrong with him? Why couldn't he just move on from the strange feelings around her and find another girl. Obviously him and Shannon wouldn't work out, however that didn't mean that he had to stop caring for her completely. They could be good friends and he could care for her in a sister sense. That would be what he would do to try and save himself..... if he could.
Boone couldn't help but smile once he noticed Shannon smile, even if it was weak. She knew that he would do anything for her and he would always be there when she needed him and when she didn't. He started to rub the back of her hand with his thumb without thinking. Boone felt his phone starting to vibrate. He pulled it out of his pocket and saw that it was his mother calling. Glancing between Shannon and his phone, he decided to hit the ignore button. He would call her later and things would be alright. Right now, he just wanted to make sure that Shannon was going to get better.
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Post by shannon on Jun 22, 2008 0:34:20 GMT -5
Shannon was glad that she couldn't speak in that moment. Whenever she talked to Boone, something would come out wrong and she would end up hurting him. She'd hurt him far too much already, and yet, he kept coming back for more. He loved her, probably more than she deserved. And although she didn't know how to say it to him, she loved him, too.
Squeezing his hand with as much strength as she could muster, she closed her eyes, feeling the tension fade more and more. She could breathe again. And with Boone by her side, she was no longer afraid of her strange dreams or the weird visions she kept having. None of it seemed to matter. She knew that somehow, he'd slay the dragons for her and she'd be safe. What had she ever done to deserve it?
Slowly, she drifted into sleep. It was warm and safe, like she was lying under the hot sun on a tropical beach somewhere. She could almost feel the sun's rays beating down on her, while a dog barked in the distance. Someone spoke to her, and she looked up to see a boy standing in front of her. When he spoke, his words made no sense... as if he was speaking backwards. No... not the backwards boy again... She got up and tried to run away, but he was always there, just in front of her. Then there was a bang...
Shannon screamed and sat up straight in bed, pulling the cord of the nebulizer out of the wall.
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Post by booney on Jun 22, 2008 8:39:33 GMT -5
Boone watched Shannon drift off to sleep. She looked peaceful and another smile spread across his face. "Sweet dreams," he whispered. He situated himself in his chair so he would be comfortable. Soon, Boone found himself falling asleep and he figured that he would be awake before Shannon would.
His dreams were empty. Nothing special, except for Shannon's face drifting through his mind and then it was darkness. It was the usual, however he was quickly brought out of his light sleep as he heard a scream. Boone sat up in his chair before registering it was Shannon that was screaming. In one quick movement, Boone was sitting beside her on her bed, holding on to her, stroking her hair.
"Shh," said Boone in whisper. "It's OK Shannon. I'm here." Boone couldn't really remember how many times he had done this, not that he minded. Shannon would usually call him if she had one of her nightmares and without a second thought, he'd go to her and make sure that everything was alright. The only thing he could think of that made her scream was one of those dreams. "Nothing is going to get you. I'm here," he continued to whisper.
In all honesty, it did scare Boone when she had those nightmares. She only told him once of one of the nightmares she had had, but other than that, she usually kept them quiet. He didn't know what caused her to have them, but he couldn't tell her to find someone to help her. Of course, those people would think she was crazy, and Boone wasn't going to allow that to happen. He continued to sooth her the best way he could.
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Post by shannon on Jun 22, 2008 22:54:34 GMT -5
The nurse rushed over to her and quickly plugged the nebulizer back in, then checked the rest of Shannon's vital signs. "You have to calm down, honey, your blood pressure's a little high."
Shannon nodded. Her breathing was getting heavy again, and she tried to breathe deeply, like before. The pressure in her chest wasn't as strong as before, and it quickly eased. She closed her eyes, allowing a few tears to leak out. What was it about the dreams? Why wouldn't they stop? What did they mean? Shannon clutched Boone's hand with as much strength as she could manage. She wished he understood about the dreams, but she didn't know how to explain them to him. They were so real... almost like deja vu. Something she had experienced before. But it wasn't possible...
The bang in the last dream was new. She had not dreamed of it before. But somehow, instinctively, she knew what it was. It was a gunshot. Just thinking about it made chills run up and down her spine.
Maybe... once this crisis was over... it would be time to talk to someone about the dreams. She dreaded the thought of it, but she knew she couldn't go on this way. She opened her eyes and looked at Boone. She would have to ask for his help, of course. And he'd give it gladly, as he always did. She only hoped that she could be helped at all....
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Post by booney on Jun 23, 2008 11:58:35 GMT -5
Boone knew that her nightmares were occurring again and knew that he wasn't going to mention anything to the nurse, because she might just laugh and think both of them insane. As far as he knew, he was the only one that knew that she did had the nightmares, but yet, he wasn't exactly sure what those dreams were about. Sure, Shannon had told him about one of them before, but since then, she didn't really speak of them, nor did he. The topic seemed to be a rough one.
He thanked the nurse as she plugged back in the nebulizer. The nurse disappeared out the door after telling them that if they needed anything to just call. He could just ask the doctor to give Shannon a sleeping pill so that she could rest, but he wasn't. He wasn't going to make her go to sleep and force her to have those dreams again. Boone wished he knew what they were about exactly.
Boone looked down to her and gave her a smile. "You're going to be fine," he whispered. "Just relax and don't be so tense. Try to go back to sleep if you want. I promise I'll still be right here until they force me to leave, even then I may put up a fight." Boone knew that the nurses probably wouldn't force him to leave, but he tried to make Shannon smile.
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Post by shannon on Jun 23, 2008 16:11:08 GMT -5
Shannon smiled weakly. She didn't doubt that he would fight to stay at her side. He'd done it before, when she was 14, after a bad asthma attack. He'd fought with the nurses and his mother, until they allowed him to stay with her. He always did things like that.
Eventually, she relaxed enough to sleep without nightmares. She fell into a deep, dreamless sleep, feeling warm and protected.
When she woke up, several hours later, he was still at her side. He seemed to be sleeping as well, judging by his deep, rhythmic breathing. When he was asleep, he truly was beautiful. He was peaceful and relaxed, not as tightly-wound as he usually was when he was awake. She wondered to herself what kinds of things he dreamed about.
She took a quick look around the room, which was empty except for the two of them. Sometime during her nap, the doctor had taken away the nebulizer and replaced it with an oxygen tube in her nose. She squeezed Boone's hand and spoke in a weak voice, "Boone? Are you awake?"
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Post by booney on Jun 24, 2008 8:23:36 GMT -5
Boone laughed quietly as Shannon smiled. Her smile was what he did everything for. It was something that could sink him to his knees and he knew that she knew that, however Boone didn't care. He didn't care if she strongly hated him for something he done, he would still do everything he could to see her smile again.
He watched her fall asleep, forcing his eyes to stay open. Boone told himself that he was going to stay awake until she woke up, however his eyelids were betraying him. He slowly allowed his eyelids shut as he still held her hand, and he leaned his head on the back of the chair. His dreams were nonexistent. Just a black abyss of sleep.
Hospitals always made Boone sleep lightly, however he didn't hear the doctor come in while he was asleep. There was a squeeze on his hand, and he thought he was dreaming at first, but he heard a voice as well. Making a small sound as he moved his head and slowly opened his eyes so they could get adjusted again to the light. "Mmm," he said sleepily, "Yeah. I'm awake." He looked over to Shannon and smiled gently. "You feeling okay?"
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Post by shannon on Jun 27, 2008 23:58:04 GMT -5
Shannon nodded. There were things that she wanted to tell him, about how she felt and how happy she was that he was here. The kinds of things she usually didn't say. She was a selfish person, she knew that, but she did have a heart. And Boone was important to her, more than she knew how to admit. Weepy sentiments didn't come easily to her; they just felt fake, like something out of a Hallmark card or a 70s sitcom. But she did care about Boone, so much so that it actually hurt. Her whole life practically revolved around him. There was a bond between them that was stronger than Shannon really understood. Sometimes it scared her, because she didn't know what she would do without him. What she needed was someone like him in her life... someone who would love her and take care of her and protect her... but wasn't her stepbrother.
Or maybe, she just needed to learn how to stand on her own two feet, without anyone else to lean on.
"Yeah, I'm doing better," she said quietly. "Still a little shaken up, I guess... from the attack and from the nightmare." She sighed and squeezed his hand. "They're so real, Boone. It's like I lived them... they're hardly even dreams. Did I ever tell you that I even had one where you died?"
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Post by booney on Jul 7, 2008 13:21:39 GMT -5
Boone sleepily ran his free hand over his eyes and looked at Shannon. "I can understand that," he replied. Not only did her nightmares scare her, but they also scared him. He didn't know what he could do for her, other than comfort her when she allowed it. Boone doubted that there would have been any medical help for her nightmares, but he didn't want Shannon to go through anything like that.
Boone knew that he would go to the end of the world for her and back if he had to. He would even die for her, if it meant that she was safe. It was crazy how much he would do for her. Maybe he needed a girlfriend to help him get over feeling strongly about Shannon. That could be his solution. Although, he knew that he probably wouldn't last long with her, because Shannon would need him for something or another later on.
"I died in one," he said a little confused. "No, you hadn't told me that one." Boone glanced back up to the door then back at her. "Do you want to tell me about it?"
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Post by shannon on Jul 12, 2008 0:41:51 GMT -5
Shannon sighed. She hated reliving the dreams. But they were becoming such a burden that if she didn't talk about them soon, she was going to explode. But she couldn't look at him as she told him about it. Instead she stared up at the ceiling and focused on a part of the panel that looked eerily like Abraham Lincoln, top hat and all.
"I... I didn't actually see how you died. All I know is, you were with this bald guy and he somehow got you killed. I saw myself crying over your body. Then... I went crazy and went after the bald guy with a gun.... That's actually one of the most coherent of the dreams. Most of them are just flashes of images that I don't understand. And did I tell you about the little boy? He's dripping wet and he talks backwards...."
There was no use. This just sounded crazy. They might as well lock her up and throw away the key....
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