The Rainbow Connection {Liam}

[Charlie Pace]

"Have you been half asleep, and have you heard voices? I've heard them calling my name. Is this the sweet sound that calls the young sailors, the voice might be one in the same. I've heard it too many times to ignore it, it's something that I'm supposed to be. Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection, the lovers the dreamers and Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeegan. "

Charlie smiled as Megan clapped her hands wildly, bouncing up and down on the hospital bed. "Again! Again!"

Charlie's smile dropped only slightly as he rolled his eyes as he dropped one hand from the guitar. From what Liam had said, Megan had begged him to have Charlie play the guitar. And since Charlie was evidently (if Liam had any say in the matter) going to be staying in the hospital for a while, Charlie was sure his brother had been eager to appease. And it was hard to say no to Megan. "Megan, love of my life, I've sang it three times. I'm starting to sound like bloody Kermit." he said, almost exasperated. His mouth opened slightly as he watched her smile fall, and replaced by a sad childish look, almost as if she was going to cry. Her small voice, peirced with a mixture of Australian and English accents, made Charlie's lips twitch up in a slight smile.

"Char-leeeeeeeeeh."

"Oh--oh, you little she-devil. Cut to the heart of me, will you?" Charlie asked, and then smiled slightly. "Alright, fine. Um." Charlie paused, looking up towards the celing and then started once more.

"I've just seen a face, I can't forget the time or place where we've just met she's just the girl for me and I want all the world to see we've met--"

"You'd think she's John Lennon's daughter with the way you two sing her Beatles songs."

Charlie's fingers stopped on the guitar as he looked towards the door, seeing Karen standing, holding two cups of tea. "How long have you been standing there?"

"Since the second Rainbow Connection." Karen said with a slight smile, moving to hand Charlie the styrofome cup of tea.

"Mummy? Can I have orange juice like Charlie?"

Charlie glanced at Megan, a frown instantly spreading on his face as he heard Megan talk about the orange juice. Or the Methadone that had been mixed with orange juice so it didn't taste so bitter. Charlie looked down into his foam cup as if it held all the secrets of the world, and yet as he stared into the liquid it held nothing. He looked up to Megan and smiled, although it held nothing of the smile he once had. "Why don't you ask your mummy real nice like, she'll take you to get some orange juice." Charlie said the last part, looking at Karen with a frown. "And you don't want to be like me, darling. My orange juice doesn't taste good at all."

Karen felt a frown spread on her face, and she moved, taking Megan into her arms. "Come on, lovey. Let's get you some lunch." Karen frowned, looking at Charlie. "Try to get some sleep, love. Liam's going to see about getting a nurse to come to the flat."

"I don't need a nurse, Karen. I just need--"

"Charlie." She said with a deep frown, her voice slightly sharp. "You know this is not up for discussion and before you even say it, your brother knows more than you know. So please, Charlie." her voice was less stern by the end of it, and more sad. Pleading. "Just please. Try."

Charlie found himself sighing out harshly, setting the guitar to the side with a frown. "You think I'm not trying?! I don't need a sodding babysitter, Karen. I need a shot of methadone and I'll be fine."

"Prove it to us, Charlie, and maybe Liam will believe you enough to leave you alone for five minutes. Prove it and maybe he'll believe you."

Charlie watched, swallowing down the speechlessness as Karen carried Megan out. He felt his eyes close, and he tried to push back the tears from burning the back of his eyes. He glanced to the side of the bed, and brought the small blank journal up. His in-patient therapist (why they insisted he needed one, Charlie didn't understand) had said that writing about his pain would get him through it. What she didn't understand was that Charlie *had* written about the pain, hadn't she listened to the second half of DriveShaft's second album? Or read what he had scribbled onto scraps of paper in his apartment about how the pain was too much to bear? Hadn't she read the hundreds, it seemed, of apology letters he had written only to never send them? He had been trying to get it out, but like the heroin, it had been stuck in his veins, and there was no relief.

Charlie flipped through the first pages, and frowned as he came upon a name. Penny. Who the bloody hell was Penny? There were boats in his dreams. Boats and islands and the bluest water he had ever seen along with the greenest trees...and yet Charlie had never been to such a place. The drugs, he told himself. The drugs made the most vivid hallucinations.

Charlie flipped to a blank page, and felt himself sigh out. He scratched a tree into the margin idly, before he started to write:

HOW TO SAVE A LIFE.

Step one: You say 'we need to talk'

Before Charlie knew it, he was furiously scratching at the pad, writing down the rhyming lyrics as they came instantly to his head. Dying...why did dying bring the worst and the best out in people? He didn't even look up as he heard the door to his room open. He didn't have to look up; he knew it was Liam. He always knew. Having a brother gave one that sixth sense, Charlie figured.

"What, Li?" Charlie asked, his brows narrowed slightly in concentration. "Oh, and thanks for having Karen shoot the guilt trip on me. As if I didn't feel already enough like a prat. Next it'll be Megan telling me the dangers of the needle." he said, almost distractedly as he flipped a page to write on the back of it.

[Liam Pace]

{Wow, short in comparison, but Dammit Sammy!}

“I didn’t make her do anything brother, you know Karen.” Liam forced a smile on his face as he removed his glasses and came to sit down beside Charlie. “I wouldn’t put it past her. She’s four going on thirty-four. She won’t let me drink after seven, she thinks I’ll pee the bed!” Liam nudged Charlie slightly, “I guess she thinks I’ll take after you, baby brother.” A smart ass grin flew across his face as he looked down at what Charlie was writing. “What’s that mate?” A small look of confusion showed as he looked at Charlie writing rapidly. Hopefully it was a story and not another song… It really wasn’t that Liam didn’t want Charlie singing or anything like that, but it seemed where ever the music was, the heroin closely followed.

Unconcoiusly Liam bit on the end of his glasses as he leaned back in his chair beside Charlie, suddenly when his thought hit him he pulled forward losing his balance on the chair. “Oh! I meant to tell you, Karen’s movin’ all her plants and freaky crap into the den, so yer gonna have yer own bed room when yah come home to Sydney.” Liam smiled feeling confident. “I left the daisies in there for you, I know you love them.” He told Charlie in a teasing tone. “Megan’s gonna like havin’ her own personal one man band back.”

[Charlie Pace]

Charlie felt a slight smirk cross his face. "Blow me." he told Liam as he mentioned peeing the bed. "I don't blame her. She's prolly worried that if you do drink after seven, she'd get the most annoying sex. You're a sloppy fuck when you're drunk."

As Liam moved to sit down next to him, Charlie pulled back the journal slightly, eyes going over what he had written. "I, uh," he started, glancing at his brother. "Right after Megan was born, when um...when you were, you know...pretty much out of it, I had started something. And then I was pretty much out of it for the rest of the time and I never really finished it. But," he took in a breath, and held out the notebook for him to see. "I had written it for you originally," he told his brother. "But I don't really think I took the words to heart." Until now. Or maybe he still hadn't taken them fully to heart, but writing it...writing it meant something, right?

As Liam told him he'd be having his own room, Charlie felt a sigh escape his lips. He remembered Liam telling him that he'd get him help when he had been in Sydney, that he could stay with him and Karen and he had denied it. He could have done it himself.

"Li," Charlie started, letting a hand come to press against his forehead. "you don't have to do this." he told his brother, opening his eyes to look at Liam. "Look, I already know I've been...god, such a burdon on you. You don't have to do this. Once I get clean I'll --I'll stay at the Roosevelt. I-It's not that I don't want to stay with you guys, 'cause--'Cause I do, but..." he felt another sigh escape his lips. "I've just been such a prat, I don't want to be more."

[Liam Pace]

“Oh how very tempting baby brother, but you’re a prat, and I refuse to grace your shaft with my lips, not to mention bountiful technique.” Liam easily returned the smirk, however he wasn’t prepared for what Charlie said next, but when he said it Liam’s hand flung up and punched him hard in the shoulder. “You sloppy codfish! I’m bloody well talking about Megan! Not Karen!” Shaking his head he looked sideways at his brother, a look of humor, horror and disbelief all present at once. “You’re a git.” Liam told him up straight as he looked on, and if you’d now like to talk about KAREN and not my four year old daughter, I’m not a sloppy fuck-“ He paused looking for the right words, a grin spreading like rapid fire. “Well, not by accident. And y’know I’m amazing. Not personally but you’ve heard the pleased cries and all that from the birds when we were touring.” He didn’t much talk about the DriveShaft days, but when he did it was only something small.

Slowly, the conversation began to head back to where it should have been. It seemed much more serious now, and maybe even the slightest bit touching. Okay, no, it was turning into a sappy conversation. Liam looked down trying to avoid eye contact. He knew exactly the time frame Liam was talking about, and by no means was it something he’d like to relive or even bring up. “Y’never told me you were writin’ anything Charlie.” He muttered, his eyes slowly finding his brothers yet again. A smile spread to his lips as he nodded though, it was sweet and an incredible gesture. “Thanks Charlie boy.” He grinned reaching over and ruffling Charlie’s hair.

“No, Charlie, I do. I want to. And by the looks of you, I need to. I ain’t gonna be an only child, got it? Mum didn’t want one. ‘An you know I’ve been puttin’ up with you since you were a wee laddie. I know how to handle it know.” He chuckled playfully. “You haven’t been a burdon, and don’t even try and talk your way out of it, baby brother. Yer comin’ with us.” Burdon, yes. However, it was Liam’s duty to make this right. It was because of him Charlie had gotten so fucked up, and it broke his heart knowing he’d destroyed his brother’s life.

[Charlie Pace]

"Aw, I'm crushed. I can't experience the wonder that is Liam Pac--OW!" Charlie jolted as Liam hauled off and smacked him, to which he immediatly punched him back. "Wanker! What'd'ya do that for?!" he asked, and then his brows furrowed as Liam explained. Well...that was strange, Charlie thought. "Huh." he said after a moment, and then his brows narrowed deeper in slight annoyance as Liam went on about himself. "Bloody hell, could you really be more in love with yourself? I mean, really. Narcissis, thy name is Liam Pace."

However, when Liam tried to avoid eye contact, Charlie cleared his throat slightly, feeling the moment shift from annoyance and mocking, to a sappy Hallmark moment. "I, uh...yeah. A-And if I told ya, it wouldn't have been like it would have, y'know...registered." he muttered, shrugging one shoulder before he grimaced as Liam ruffled his hair. "Stop." he told him in annoyance, though while it said 'stop' it also said 'you're welcome'.

Charlie swallowed as his brother continued the buzzkill moment, mentioning their mother and the fact that Liam didn't want to be an only child. The thought of their mother, it pained him. "The last time we were in a hospital this long was before she died." Charlie said solemly. He played with a loose thread on his hospital gown. He glanced up at his brother with a slight frown. "You know, it's, uh...it's times like this that I really miss her. I-I think--I think if she was still alive I wouldn't--if she hadn't gotten sick like she had I don't think we would have been like this."

[Liam Pace]

“Prat!” Liam said rubbing his arm as Charlie returned the favor. “You hit like a pussy.” He grinned the moment it all clicked to Charlie. After a comment like that, no one would ever blame Liam for hitting Charlie as after that, he deserved it. “Well Charlie-boy, I wouldn’t expect you to know what it’s like.” He told him with a right ‘ol smirk on his face. “And really, I’m not in love with myself, this is me being modest.” Smirking lightly once again Liam tossed a wink as he sat back in the Chair.

The last time we were in a hospital this long was before she died. The thought tugged at his heart as a frown followed. “Yeah, I know. And I’m gonna ensure that doesn’t happen. Got it?” Liam told Charlie seriously as he rested a hand on his shoulder for a moment. “No one can help what happened… And I’d like to believe that, but I know … Well, I think for me I would of found some other way to fuck up regardless. It’s fate really, I believe. But I’m clean now, and you’re gettin’ there, and right now… Right now that’s all that matters, baby brother.” Liam forced a smile to his lips as his eyes shut for a moment.

[Charlie Pace]

"You bein' modest? Please," Charlie said with a large roll of his eyes. "If could you fuck a female version of you, you'd be set for life." However, Liam had Karen. Who, in some moments, reminded Charlie of a carbon copy of Liam. Charlie remembered before they had gotten famous, before all the drugs and all the pain, Liam had been completely and utterly in love with Karen. Karen had been in their lives longer than Charlie could remember; and even through all the pain, all the times Liam had cheated and lied to her, all the times Charlie had tried to tell her on the phone that Liam still loved her and that no, he didn't want to break up with her, all the while trying to stifle out the sounds of Liam getting laid in the next room by some random stranger...and yet, Karen still stayed. Charlie had been the mediator, the liason between Karen and Liam and he had also been the one to tell her the truth. The truth that Liam had slept with more woman than Karen would be able to believe, but deep down, Liam still loved her. Liam would always still love her. Through everything, Karen had stayed. Charlie picked at a stray thread on the bedsheet. "Y'know, I really should um, do something for Karen, y'know. I can't believe she stayed with me last night while I think you were with Megan. She held the bucket for me; that's love, man."

Charlie wondered if he'd ever find someone like Karen. "You're lucky, man, y'know that? A right lucky sod." However, Charlie knew that he'd always have Karen and he'd always have Liam. Family. That's what family was for. They were there to eat sunday dinners with and they were there to hold the bucket when you threw up over and over again with heroin withdrawls. If that wasn't something to put on a Hallmark card, Charlie wasn't sure what was.

Charlie glanced at Liam as he spoke about getting clean, about not wanting to be in the hospital yet again and that he'd fight for him. However, Charlie wasn't sure if he was worth fighting for anymore. He looked at Liam once more. "Has, um...has Lucy called you?"

He was sure that Lucy had seem the papers, but he wasn't so sure that Lucy would call. Would she have cried? Would she have been worried for him so that she felt the need to fly out here instantly to be there with him? Would she be sorry she pushed him away when all he had needed was help?