Doctor Shephard, meet Doctor Burke [Juliet]

[Jack Shephard]

His head was pounding.

His legs still felt wobbily as he entered the main lobby of Saint Sebastian's hospital, but he tried to steady them as much as possible. He had taken half a pill before he left just to stop his hands from shaking. The effects had started while he had been driving, and thankfully, Saint Sebastian's wasn't far from the Roosevelt. He had slept the entire day, trying to banish the thoughts of Eko. Was he crazy? He was starting to think that Claire was the wrong person in Santa Rosa.

"Doctor Shephard!"

Jack turned, seeing Jill, the receptionist that he had been sure had a crush on him before he had left the hospital. She stood quickly, her chair rolling behind her as she stepped around the admitting desk and moved to him, wrapping her arms around his neck. "Jill, hey." Jack said tiredly, smiling slightly as he gave her a slight squeeze.

"Doctor Shephard, oh my god! I can't believe--I-I mean, I heard that the plane crashed and that you DIED!"

"Well, I'm very much alive." he told her, watching as she pulled back. "How's your daughter?"

"She's walking, can you believe it! Time flies."

"Yeah, that's wonderful." Jack said, and then got right down to buisness. "Hey, Jill, can you page Dr. Hamill for me? I want to speak with him about getting back to work."

"Of course, Dr. Shephard. It's so good to have you back."

Jack watched as Jill moved back behind the desk again, and lifted the phone reciever to her mouth.

"Doctor Hamill call Admitting. Doctor Hamill to Admitting."

Jill moved, getting paperwork ready until she saw a doctor in the distance. "Oh! Oh, Doctor Burke! I have those patients you asked for, wait!"

Jack's brows narrowed slightly as he heard Jill say Doctor Burke, and he turned seeing Juliet coming towards him. Oh god. Juliet...Juliet would know his state, she would notice he was taking pills to try to cover up the fear in his head. Did the world know that Juliet and Jack knew each other?

"Doctor Shephard, do you know Doctor Burke? She's brilliant. She's working with me and William to see if we can have another baby."

"Oh, I um..." Jack started, wanting the world to open up and swallow him whole. "No, no we don't know each other." Jack was sure he looked tired, hung over, and medicated, and Juliet would see all these things. The thought of walking out entirely was high in Jack as he looked at the fellow Doctor. Jill spoke again, and Jack felt himself sigh slightly.

"Doctor Burke, this is Doctor Shephard. He's our Miracle Worker at Saint Sebastian's."

[juliet]

She had really thought that coming back to the real world would be easier then the island ever was. How could everything with Ben Linus and all the trouble on the island seem now to be almost child's play? She knew it wasn't. But, it seemed whatever game was happening on the island had followed her here to California.

Juliet had done her best to just start over. She found a new job, moved her sister and nephew in to live with her. Got Rachel the best cancer doctors to keep an eye on her. The fertility doctor had pushed another doctor out of her head, even though he still lingered in her heart. If she didn't think about him, then eventually her feelings for him would to. Surely, everything was going to work out in the end.

Faraday seemed to come from no where. A beginning reminder that things just did not work out for Juliet Burke, nee Carson. He reminded her that her connection to Ben and the island was never ending. The man who was hunting for Ben and the island would eventually come for her, wanting to know where either of them were. Juliet had no idea what Widmore would do to get the information from her, and she hardly had any idea what information she really had he would want.

Daniel seemed to believe that Rachel and Julian were in danger. And no sooner had he mentioned that idea to Juliet, but she received the news that Juliet did not know if she could truly handle. Rachel's cancer was back. Like Ben's threats in the past had truly come to life. Juliet's punishment for leaving the island was really happening. Rachel's cancer was spreading, rapidly. And Juliet knew it was her fault.

Her mind was a million miles away, as she walked into the hospital. Patients were not even in her thought process for the day. Juliet's fingertips pressed against a nagging headache, as she attempted to collect her day together in her head. Attempted to put away her own issues for at least a few hours. It just wasn't working.

Hearing her name, Juliet lifted up her bright azure hues to see Jill holding up the paperwork she had requested. A smile flinched upon her lips, quickly disappearing. She did not even see the tall dark haired male standing a few feet from Jill. Juliet had tunnel vision, only the island, Ben, Daniel, and her sister were there. And it was crowded.

The name flickered within the tunnel. Images that she had struggled to push away suddenly disappeared to reflect the face of someone she did not want to remember. Her heart felt a sudden ache, as she took a deep breath to push it away. Juliet turned to see the one that Jill motioned to and that ache quickly returned. Her head tilted gently to the side, her blue eyes instantly filled with love and concern for the man who stood haggered and maybe a little shorter then she remembered before her. Juliet watched and listened as he struggled with his speech. It seemed he had wanted to forget her to.

Juliet walked up to Jack, letting his fascade continue in front of Jill. She nodded her head gently, and reached out to offer her pale hand to his. Her eyes studying his deeply, seeing all the tell tell signs of drug abuse within them. He was a wreck, and she wondered how he had gotten this way. Had they come to him, Widmore, Ben? The man who was everyone's hero suddenly seemed to be one that couldn't even rescue himself from a falling leaf. Her body ached to hold him, to touch him. But, she couldn't. He loved Kate, and Juliet understood. Why was she always the 'other woman'?

"It's nice to meet you, Doctor Shephard. I believe I have read some about your skills as a spinal surgeon. I'm very impressed," her words were spoken, reminding him of how much she really did know him. Or perhaps, she knew the man before the rescue. For this one, he looked so beaten. She realized that Jill said he worked at Saint Sebastian's. She had thought he moved to another hospital, surely. But, no. Now, they were in the same one. Her heart felt the tug of pain again. There would be no forgetting Jack Shephard now. If there ever was even a chance before. Juliet forced a smile, "I am sure everyone is grateful of your safe return from that horrible plane crash."

[Jack Shephard]

As Jack watched Juliet walk to him and offered her hand to him, Jack took it gently. "Thank you." Jack said, "I've read of your sucess with fertility efforts in barren women. It's, um, facinating." Jack glanced at Jill and then looked at Juliet, however he spoke to Jill. "Will you tell Doctor Hamill that I'm going to be in the Doctor's Lounge? Doctor Burke, I was wondering if you had a moment to speak with me about a case of mine that I had before I left? A 25 year old female, pregnant with a malignant mass on the L-3. I biopsied, but I'm worried about the status of the fetus, mainly since she was about 5 and a half months along..."

He walked, seeing various doctors walking past, and he smiled and trailed off in his speaking. It wasn't used to continue speaking to Juliet about the patient he hadn't seen in over five months. He moved, pressing the button for the elevator. "She died." he said after a moment. "The, uh...the patient. She died. Her and the baby."

He watched as the elevator opened, and he held out a hand for her to enter, and followed after her. "How are you? It looks like you've shifted back into normal life. That's good." Simple questions were harmless. Simple questions would make for conversation, andconversation would keep him awake and his mind from racing.

[juliet]

Her eyes fell this his hand as it held her own. Juliet felt every muscle in her body weaken suddenly. She swallowed back a dry lump that had found her throat, lifting her eyes back up to meet his. When he released her hand, Juliet quickly folded her arms against her stomach. A quick reaction as if to shield herself from feeling for him. It didn't work, "Thank you. It's been very important research. I'm just thankful to see," Juliet stopped herself from mentioning she was happy to see women survive pregnancies. It would shock someone like Jill, who had no idea of Juliet's past on the island. "...women holding their newborns in their arms."

She could read past his request and statement to Jill. The question if Juliet would consider talking to him about a case of a pregnant woman with a mass, it was a quick diversion. There was something in his worn eyes that seemed to say he wanted to speak to her. Maybe he needed someone to talk to. She had been there for him on the island. They had become so close. Only, they needed each other for different reasons. Juliet wasn't sure she could be what he needed, just a friend.

However, she quickly nodded her head. Quietly acknowledging that she would go with him wherever he needed her, would be his ear if he needed. Again, Juliet questioned herself, why did she fall for the ones taken?

The tall blonde kept her arms tight against herself, watching Jack press the button. She did her best to mask any expressions that attempted to surface upon her pale features. She'd remain professional, distant, fat chance. With the words 'she died', Juliet quickly lifted her eyes back up to Jack's. Frantic blues searched for an answer to find out who he was talking about. Was it someone they both knew? But, his eyes and following words gave no real answer. "Oh," there was a quick bob of her chin in acknowledgment. Although, Juliet wasn't sure if this patient wasn't someone she knew.

The ding of the elevator door called her attention. And Juliet stepped through, as Jack politely waved her inside. She stepped in, moving to the back of the elevator. Her back not very far from the wall, as if she just wanted to make sure no one could surprise her. She had enough of those lately.

"I'm fine," she answered quickly. It was a lie. Juliet let her eyes fall back to him. He seemed to have enough on his mind and body. There were dark circles beneath his eyes. He looked more frail then even when he had been sick on the island. "I bought a house. My sister and nephew....they've moved in with me."

"It's nice," her words were so short and simple. Juliet shielding him from the knowledge she had about Widmore and her own sister's cancer.

"How are you, Jack? You ..you don't look well," there it was. The professionalism was gone, and the concerned woman he knew from the island had returned. The blonde doctor let her arms fall from the tight hold in front of her. She forced her hands to move further down, anxiously drawing fingers of one hand over the digits of the other in a gentle tug. Juliet told herself to keep her distance. She liked Kate, respected her. And she cared about letting Jack have the life and love he wanted.

[Jack Shephard]

Jack stared at the numbers as they slowly ticked past, and he glanced over at Juliet as she said she had bought a house and that her sister and her nephew moved in with her. He remembered when Juliet had told him about her sister, the one that had cancer and yet somehow had a child. He felt a slight smile cross his face. "That's nice. Very nice."

When Juliet asked how he was, however, Jack found the smile slowly fading from his face. He looked away from her, back at the floor numbers to try to ignore her concerned gaze. He couldn't lie to her, not after everything they had been through on the Island. "I'm not well." Jack said finally, honesty trickling out of the words. "I'm not well at all, I think that, um," Jack started, a sad scoff of a laugh escaping his lips as he brought a hand up. "I think I'm actually starting to lose my mind."

Jack felt himself swallow, bringing a hand up to rub at his eyes. "Can you believe that I would actually be willing to go back to the Island where I had to sleep with one eye open because anything has to be better than what's happening right now?"

Jack reached behind himself to grab at the railing in the elevator and he leaned forward with a sigh. "Rob Hamill called me wanting to speak to me about the opening at the new spinal centre Saint Sebastian's is opening. He wants me to be Director." But could he be Director of a centre when he was a complete and utter mess? He didn't think so.

"I don't know what I'm going to do."

[juliet]

She watched as the small smile he had found for her about her sister and nephew slowly disappear with her question about how he was doing. Juliet didn't even need to ask, for she knew already just be looking at him. His eyes remained focused on the changing numbers of the elevator, as if they were somehow helped him remain standing. When she heard his honest words, Juliet's heart broke even further. Her shoulders fell, as if they suddenly felt the weight that he was going though. She'd take it, and he knew she would. Jack didn't even have to know where she was when they had all parted after arriving back in the States, to know Juliet would do anything for him. It was why she had stayed away, wanting to give him the space he would need to start a life with Kate.

The laugh echoed painfully in her head. Juliet bit against her bottom lip, as she could feel emotions and concern for him rising to the surface. It didn't matter how much she told them to go back where they came from, they were there. As he made a comment that he was willing to go back to the island, Juliet lowered her eyes for a moment. Already, that thought had returned to her own mind. Juliet felt that she was the cause of Rachel's cancer returning. She knew it and felt it within her whole body. Because she returned, her sister would most likely die and Julian would lose his mother.

She had barely heard Jack's words when he talked about being asked to be the Director of the new spinal center. It was his words that sounded so fragile about being confused that pulled her back to focus once more. Remembering Faraday's warning, her sister's cancer, and ...seeing him. Juliet could only think of one thing to say, and she said it before even thinking twice, "I want to go back, Jack. I don't belong here."

[Jack Shephard]

I want to go back, Jack. I don't belong here.

Jack felt his eyes close as Juliet said she wanted to go back. A slight scoff escaped his lips, and he shook his head slightly. "I remember a time when you had thanked Ben for giving you the possibility to leave. I had thanked him." The elevator dinged, and he watched as the doors opened. "We can't go back." As much as it hurt, as much pain and suffering and loss that was here...did Jack really want to go back to the Island? Part of his brain said yes, of course. Of course he wanted to go back on the Island because at least there, he had some semblence of control. And now, back here in the so-called good and real world, his life was spiraling out of control faster than he could watch it.

"Claire," he started slowly, waiting for her to exit the elevator before he followed. "Said she saw Charlie. She said she had lunch with him in the Cafeteria." The tears threatened to burn at the back of his eyes, and he swallowed the lump in his throat. "She wanted to take Aaron back to Australia. She hadn't been feeding him, when I came to her room she was in a near-catatonic state, and then..." And then all hell broke loose. "She had to be sedated. I had her transfered to Santa Rosa."

As they entered the Doctor's Lounge, he was thankful where he saw no one in room. Jack moved quickly to the coffee machine, pouring himself a tall glass of strong dark coffee. He knew he was throwing his body for a complete loop, giving it uppers and downers and uppers and downers mixed with more downers...but it was the only way he could stop his world from spiraling long enough or him to be able to watch it slip by, helpless to do anything about it.

Welcome back to civialization, Jack thought bitterly. He blew on the top of the cup of steaming coffee before he took a sip, wincing at the heat.

"Did you know that Claire's my sister?" Of course she didn't know. He hadn't even known until now. "My father had an affair with an Australian woman when I was a teenager that produced a woman who's life I more than likely just totally and utterly destroyed."

[juliet]

The almost bitter sounding laugh that came from him bit into her. He didn't need to remind her that they had both wanted so desperately to get off that island. She herself would have done anything in the world to do just that, and she did. Juliet killed a man, locked people away, threatened them, manipulated, only to now wish it all away. She hated the hold the island had on her, it's rules, Ben's dreams. But, she hated more the idea that returning to a 'normal life' would mean that Rachel's would be taken away. She swallowed hard the invisible bitter pill lodged in her throat. Juliet hated the taste of it, never ending on her lips.

She walked out of the lift, and once more folded her arms in front of her body again. When he said something about Claire seeing Charlie, Juliet lifted her chin to look over her shoulder at him. She watched him move up to walk beside her, telling her about Claire and her visions. "But...she seemed alright...I don't understand, Jack." When he said the words Santa Rose, Juliet knew what he was telling her was the truth. She had heard that Hurley was there, too. Why? What was happening to them that ...then she realized ...it was the island.

"No, I didn't know," she shook her head slowly, watching him take careful sips of the coffee. Juliet thought about the file of his life. It hadn't been in there. Or had it and Ben took it out? Or did he even know? Juliet exhaled a long slow breath, then heard Jack blame himself. She walked up to him and tenderly placed her hand upon his arm. In that moment, Juliet knew she shouldn't have. But, it was too late, and his warmth pressed through the clothing to her palm, "Jack, you did not destroy her life. You and I both know..." Juliet paused. Her blue gaze suddenly fractured, fell to the coffee machine. She pulled back away from him, pressing her lips together as she collected thoughts, her emotions, "...Jack, we have to find a way to get back. I'm....I'm scared."

[Jack Shephard]

As Juliet stepped to him, Jack turned his head, eyes looking at her as she said he hadn't destroyed Claire's life. He wanted so much to believe her, to believe that she was right, that when this was all over, Claire would still speak to him. And then suddenlly, Juliet's hand was gone, the tender touch replaced by air. She whispered that they had to go back, that she was scared and he knew he was scared to. This life, this...horrible situation that had happened over the past two weeks, all of this could change...

But they couldn't go back. "If we go back, everything that's happened, everything that Charlie did, that *we* did would mean nothing. If it hadn't been for him, we wouldn't have gotten back here...and it's what we wanted. We all wanted to come back." No, no, that wasn't right. Sawyer didn't want to come back, but for his own reeasons. A breath escaped his lips in a sigh. "When I picked that phone up and talked to the freighter people, I thought we were saved. We were going home and life...well, it wouldn't be perfect, but it would be better." He brought a shaky hand up, rubbing at his forehead. "It was the right thing to do, I know it was. It has to be. We can't go back to that Island. Everything that we've done in the past, all the surviving we've done...it'll mean nothing if we go back."

[juliet]

It did not matter how much Jack was trying to make her believe, make himself believe, it was very apparent that neither could accept that this was where they were suppose to be. For all of Ben's lies, Juliet knew that he had been right. Jacob, whoever he was, demanded that Juliet, Jack, and the others remained on that island so far away. And he or someone was doing everything in their power to make them all realize this. So quickly, as if they had grasped onto sands of hope and saw them slipping between their fingers, things were falling apart.

It had only been two weeks, and Juliet's world was suddenly spiraling out of control. She had come to the hospital, gained an incredible job. Already begun helping infertile couples find life within their wombs. Found her sister and nephew, made a home. It was too quick, too perfect. Now her sister had cancer, Faraday appeared with a warning. Juliet wondered how much longer she could give the gift of life to couples. Where was that going to go? Her nightmares...would they become more frequent? True?

"Jack," she wanted to believe in all Charlie had done. Wanted to being a new life, have a family, be with her sister and nephew. But, did she want them enough to risk her sister's life? Her nephew's? "My sister's cancer has come back. He said it would. Ben..." She began to tremble, her blue eyes darting away from him as she felt them begin to well with tears, "He said she would die if I came back." Juliet shook her head and turned away from Jack, walking over to a window in the lounge. They had been so close once, but now she couldn't let him see her cry. Juliet reached up and brushed the back of her thumb against a tear that trailed down her cheek. Her voice choked as she spoke, giving away her tears, "I'm killing her."

[Jack Shephard]

Jack's brows narrowed slightly as he heard her say his name, her voice a cross between a whisper and a choke. Her sister's cancer was back? Of course, she could have gone into remission, easily but sadly explained away...but that wasn't it. Jack moved, slowly moving behind her as his hand slid across her shoulders.

They had been thrust together; Jack had remembered once hating Juliet for locking him in a room, being a part of the Others, for locking his friends in cages...but they had been put together, and learned to work with each other. Jack wasn't sure if he loved her; looking back, he couldn't say for sure that he loved Sarah. Sure, he cared for her deeply, but that caring, it ate him alive until he cared too much. He wasn't sure of anything anymore. But he knew that he hated to see her cry. He turned her gently, wrapping his arms around her. "You're not killing her." Jack said after a moment. "Cancer is killing her." Even through everything they had been through on the Island, Jack still couldn't bring himself to believe that it's stretch came all the way out here. There had to be a logical explination for everything, hadn't there?

"One of my friends is one of the top Oncologists on the West Coast. I can get her in, get her the best care. She's going to be fine." Of course, Jack had no clue whether or not Juliet's sister was going to be fine, but he found himself saying it to make her feel better, to stop her tears. He pulled back slightly, giving her a slight sad smile. "It'll be okay, I promise. We'll get her the best help."

[juliet]

Juliet had tried to focus on the world outside the window for a moment. She wanted to fight back to tears that were pushing their way to the surface. But, she didn't know how much more she could take. Juliet was afraid of watching her sister die, watching her live and fight in so much pain.

She felt his warm gentle hand slip tenderly over her shoulders. Juliet clenched her eyes closed, as her heart instantly sought to take everything it could from that simple touch. She let him tenderly turn her around to face him, letting him wrap his strong arms around her. She instantly fell into them. Her own willowy arms wrapping around his shoulders to hold onto him tightly. Just like outside the Tempest, clinging to him and not wanting to let go. Tears slipping down her cheeks, as her body trembled softly in his arms.

He was trying to console her, trying to tell her that it wasn't her fault. Juliet knew it all sounded crazy, that her mere presence could make Rachel's cancer come back. But, she couldn't explain how Rachel had become healthy, had given birth to her son. She looked so wonderful and happy on the monitor back on the island. Rachel looked even more beautiful and healthy when Juliet saw her upon coming back. Juliet just couldn't get the idea out of her head that she was taking it all away from her sister, and away from Julian.

Juliet held tightly to him, as he told her he had a friend who could help Rachel. He would help make sure that Rachel got the best care. Juliet clenched her eyes shut, trying to force away the tears. She knew he meant every word. She was just afraid this was all beyond medicine, beyond them.

Looking at him, as he pulled back enough to offer her a smile, a faint smile mirror his as best she could. For all he was saying, Juliet wasn't sure she could believe him or in medicine. But, she didn't have a choice. They had to try. She bobbed her head in a slight nod. Pressing her lips together, as her blue teary hues looked to him with eye that wanted so desperately to believe, "Thank you. I just don't want to lose her. I don't want my nephew to lose her....because of me. If she looks anything like she is terminal, I have to go back, Jack. I don't know how to, but I will find a way."

[Jack Shephard]

As she pulled back, and her smile faintly mirrored his own, he listened to her speak. Her voice was broken, hurt, and yet strong. Jack knew that she would keep to her word if she needed to. He watched as a tear streaked down her cheek, and he brought a hand up to catch it with his thumb. "What if she dies anyway?"

Jack wasn't sure why he had asked, but the words came out, and he was unable tot ake them back. "Then she would die without you. No one should have to die alone."

The thought of his father suddenlly hit him, dying alone in that alley. And even though the fire of frustration burnt in Jack whenever his father was mentioned...no one should have had to die alone. "Ben...Ben wanted to keep you on the Island or whatever he wanted to keep you for, but you're back here with your sister who you need to be with. She'll be able to get through this because you're here with her."

[juliet]

Juliet felt his touch, so soft and tender across her cheek. She heard his question, and at first it shocked her that he even asked. And then as he continued, Juliet realized where he was trying to go with this. What if her cancer had nothing to do with Juliet's return? There were no guarantees that if Juliet went back, that Rachel's cancer would go back into remission. All Juliet had was the blind hope and the 'promises' Ben had given her in the past to go on. Her eyes danced away from Jack's for a moment. Juliet reeling in what he had just said. The blonde trying to put the pieces together inside her head. So many contradictions were playing there, fighting reality with the dilusions of the island's reality.

Jack continued to try and pull Juliet into the reality of the world. He reminded her of Ben's intent to do anything and everything to keep her on the island. She knew she should be there for her sister, and she wanted to desperately. But, more then anything Juliet wanted to see Rachel be healthy and to raise her son. Juliet turned her gaze back to Jack, her hands still holding to his arms from their embrace, "You right, Jack. It's just hard...to not fall back on everything he told us. It's just...he isn't there anymore. He's here...somewhere."

"Jack, they are still looking for Ben," talking about him, made Juliet remember her conversation with Faraday. Even if her sister got better, there were no guarantees that the man called Widmore wouldn't use their families to get to Ben through them.