With Every Breath You Breathe [Jack/Open]

[Sarah Shephard]

Sarah stepped through the front hospital doors, a slight rush of air hitting her as the doors automatically slide open. She was coming in through the visitors entrance, after sitting in her car in the parking lot for a better part of a a half hour, debating on whether it was right coming to see Jack again - after all, she had already spoken with him at his mother's house, but maybe talking at work was pushing it too far.

Besides....his friend that James guy and that baby had died, so she wanted to offer her condolences....hopefully he wouldn't have security chuck her out.

She approached the front desk.

"Excuse me, is Dr. Shephard in?"

"Uh...I believe he's in surgery right now ma'am." The brunette behind the counter replied, briefly glancing through a few papers as she barely acknowledged Sarah, who frowned.

"Can you tell him that his ex-wi - that Sarah is here to see him when he gets out?"

"Sure. You can wait for him up on the second floor." She replied.

"Thank you."

Sarah proceeded to the elevator with a sigh, tucking a strand of hair that had come from her messy ponytail behind her ear. She jumped onto the elevator just as the doors began to close. It dinged a moment later and the door opened, allowing her off. Her mind told her to turn around now, but she had already told the nurse that she was here to see Jack. Sitting down in a set of waiting chairs in the white, pristine hallway, she waited.

[Jack Shephard]

It was the only way. Either drink himself to death or work himself to death, and the high that he got from surgery lasted longer than the drink. However, the surgery hadn't gone like he had planned. Nothing in Jack's life was going as it was planned, it seemed.

Twenty breathless minutes and thirty seconds later, Jack was forced by the senior surgeon to call the death. Jack then found himself forced out of the OR by the same surgeon for arguing the call.

He pulled off his yellow over-scrubs, throwing them violently to the trash. He collected himself long enough to tell the husband that she had fought a good fight, but she was gone. His wife of twenty years was gone, and he was sorry but there was nothing else he could do. He barely made it without sheding his own tears before he excused himself, hot tears burning in the back of his eyes, until a hand stopped him. "Doctor."

"What?!"

"There's a woman here, Doctor. In the waiting room, she says she knows you."

"Beverly, I'm not in the mood to speak to anyone, tell her--"

"Her name was Sarah."

Jack felt his eyes close, and he nodded as he brought a hand up to the bridge of his nose. He was sure his eyes were red and bloodshot, tired and worn and Jack took in a breath, bringing a hand up to his head as he sighed. He still wore his surgical cap as he walked down the hall and to the right, seeing the surgery waiting room. Sarah sat, looking away from him.

"Doctor Shephard, can you sign this?" A nurse asked, holding up a clipboard to him.

"Yeah. Sarah." he called, watching as her head turned. He moved, taking the pen from his scrub pocket and signing the paper. "Let me know how she's doing, alright? I want her starting PT by tomorrow morning; tell her if she follows my orders she'll be walking in 12 weeks, maybe less."

He looked over at Sarah as the nurse walked away, letting out a tired sigh. "Hey."

[Sarah Shephard]

Sarah

Her head turned at the sound of her name, seeing Jack just down the hall, signing something from another nurse. She stood and silently, quickly closing the distance between them. She stopped a foot away, noticing the tired look on his face.

"Hey."

Sarah looked at him for a moment - he seemed worse than when she had last talked to him, which almost gave her cause to worry.

Almost.

"You look like hell Jack - haven't you been sleeping?" She questioned after a moment, politely getting out of the way as another nurse passed. It seemed there were more nurses than damned doctors in the place....But her attention flickered back to Jack.

"I came to see you." She murmured. Well duh, you idiot. Otherwise you wouldn't be here, Sarah thought to herself, holding back an eyeroll. "I wanted to check up on you."

[Jack Shephard]

"No. No, I havn't been sleeping, I--"

He hadn't slept much since he heard. Visions of dead babies and Sawyer filled his nights, not to mention visions of the Island haunting his dreams. He took a breath in, bringing a hand up to his face. "No, um," he shook his head slightly. "I just had to tell a family member about a death." He paused, frowning slightly as he brought a hand to his head. "I, uh...was I supposed to call you, or something?" he asked honestly. "'Cause if I was, I'm sorry I didn't, I've just--I've just had alot of shit happen lately."

[Sarah Shephard]

"Oh, I'm terribly sorry." She murmured when he mentioned telling someone about a death. Sarah had never liked the feeling of death - it's why she had felt nervous in hospitals. And when jack used to come home smelling of hospitals, and death, she usually didn't go near him until he got a shower and washed the smell away.

She shook her head.

"No, you we're supposed to call." Sarah continued. "I came by to tell you how sorry I was about your friend - he was a friend of yours, right? The man that died in the hotel room with the baby?"

[Jack Shephard]

Looking down at the floor, Jack brought a hand up, running it through his growing hair. He scoffed slightly as Sarah mentioned Sawyer. His friend. Had they been friends? He remembered when Sawyer had told him that he had been the closest thing he had to a friend after Ana-Lucia died. Sure, they had fought, mainly for Kate, but still...

A sigh escaped his lips, long and slow as he looked at Sarah. "I don't know if he was my friend or not. I mean...we were stuck on an Island together, we just had to---work together." And Aaron. He felt his teeth clench at the mention of the baby. "Yeah, I uh...he's--"

His phone vibrated in his scrubs pocket, and he looked down at it. Pulling it out, he held a finger up to Sarah before answering it. "Yeah, Shephard?" he asked, and then narrowed his brow. "Yeah. Yeah, put it on my desk and I'll be up there in five."

Flippin the phone shut, Jack looked at Sarah. "We can talk more in my office. The prelims for the autopsy for Sawyer and the bab--Aaron came back." It was so much easier to say 'the baby' but everyone had called him 'the baby' on the Island. When he had been alive. The wave of sickness traveled through his gut again as he frowned.

[Sarah Shephard]

"Well, that makes you some semblence or friends doesn't it? Working together and all......" She murmured. She meant to continued, but faded off as Jack's cell phone rang.

She nodded when he said they could talk more in his office. Though by the sound of the way he said teh autopsy reports had come back, he didn't sound too happy about it - almost as if he didn't want to look at them.

"So what do you think happened to them both?" Sarah asked quietly, falling into step beside him as they headed up to his office.

[Jack Shephard]

"I don't know, that's why I'm going to look at the prelims."

Of course, Jack had many ideas as to what happened. Hypothetical ideas that Jack had hoped would never happen. Sawyer could have gotten drunk and angry and took it out on Aaron. They could have been murdered. Jack certainly knew that Sawyer had his share of enemies. "And I'm not a cop. That's what the police are for."

Of course, Jack had wanted to know who would murder a tiny, innocent baby. "He was my nephew, Sarah." Jack said, glancing at Sarah. "He was my nephew and I spent three months with them and--and I didn't even know it. And now it's all over."

[Sarah Shephard]

Of course Sarah, you retard. She said to herself, mentally kicking herself for such a stupid question. Of course he didn't know yet - he still had to look at the prelims. And he was right - he wasn't a cop.

She looked at him, mouth open slightly. "I'm so sorry Jack I had no idea that the littly baby was your nephew." She whispered, bringing her hand to cover her mouth.

"That's so horrible."

[Jack Shephard]

Jack scoffed, no humour in his voice. "I know, isn't it?" he asked, looking over at Sarah with something resembling a smile. If he had been happy, or amused, it would have been a smile, but now, it was a bitter, ironic smirk. "All those years I did everything for him. I'd have gone to hell and back for that man and yet, he didn't have the balls to tell me that he was sleeping with another woman. That I had a sister." Jack felt a sigh escape his lips as he moved to the elevator, pressing the button for the door.

"It would have been nice to have her at the wedding." Of course, once Jack had found out, he thought back to all those times that it would have been nice to have her. His White Coat Ceremony. The day he first went into surgery. The day he had divorced Sarah.

Looking over at her, he shook his head slightly. "But it doesn't matter now, I guess. Dad's dead. It's not like I can call him out on all this crap."

[Sarah Shephard]

"I never did trust your father all that well - no offense." Sarah muttered, folding her arms over her chest as she continued to keep in step with him, turning to face Jack as they waited for the elevator. Mentioning the wedding brought up bad, and slightly painful memories for her.

"It would have been nice to meet her." She agreed quietly. "But, if that baby was Aaron, you're nephew, that means you're sister is that Claire Littleton, the one they reported as to being locked up in Santa Rosa's." Sarah pieced together, looking at him again. "How's she taking it? I know I wouldn't be happy if a child of mine ever died like that...."

[Jack Shephard]

"Yeah, I didn't trust him either, and he was my father." Jack said as the elevator opened. He stepped in and leaned back against the railing, sighing out as he closed his eyes. His head gently hit the back of the elevator. As Sarah asked how Claire was, he scoffed, shaking his head. "I don't know. I honestly have no fucking idea what's going on anymore, Sarah. I really don't. I thought when we got back that...that I had everything all worked out. I thought that we'd come back from everything that happened on the Island, all the--all of the pain and suffering and horrors that we all went through."

Bringing a hand up, he pinched the bridge of his nose. "I could have watched him. I could have took him to Mom's, she had even said she was willing to take care of him. But I didn't. I didn't watch him because I knew that I had made a mistake. I've screwed up because I thought I knew what I was doing. On the Island we had--the funniest thing about all of this is that the Island was so much easier. I had choices and I made them. I made them knowing that it was right. And now I get back here and I'm second guessing myself."

[Sarah Shephard]

She smirked lightly at Jack and entered the elevator, standing in the opposite corner as him. She felt so sorry for him - after everything on the island, and now to come home only for them to die. It was just...undescribable.

"I would think the same thing if I were you...." She muttered. "But you can't fix everything Jack. No matter how hard you try - death is part of life, so it's no like you could have stopped him from dying, Jack, so there's really no need to blame yourself for it." Sarah continued.

"But hell, I could have watched him if it came down to it."

She placed her hand on his cheek, shaking her head. "Don't second guess yourself Jack. Just go whateveer you think best - I'm sure that's what you did back on that Island or whatever, so why stop now?"

[Jack Shephard]

"Don't you think I know that?"

He couldn't help his voice sounding harsh when Sarah said he couldn't fix everything. "I was reminded time and time again on the Island that I couldn't fix anything." Boone, Libby, Charlie...countless times he had been reminded. "I know I can't fix everything, but I'm not going to stop trying. And there is a reason to blame myself; if I hadn't put Claire into Santa Rosa, Aaron wouldn't be dead. It's as simple as that."

However, as her hand moved, pressing against his cheek, he forgot how nice it felt. How familer. "I didn't have time to second guess myself on the Island." he said, his voice dropping it's anger. He leaned his cheek into her hand. "On the Island...I felt lost sometimes. But there'd always be something the kept he grounded. I got thrust into all of that and I managed to adapt and...and now I find a way to go home. I find a way to save everyone and now...now I'm thinking that we made a mistake." His eyes opened to look at her. "I don't know if we were supposed to come back, Sarah."

The elevator jolted to a stop and the doors opened with a slight mechanical whurr.

[Sarah Shephard]

She flinched at the harshness of his tone.

"I don't have a clue who those people were - but they were obviously your friends too. I'm sorry they died as well, but like I said, you can't keep death from everyone." She whispered.

"And you didn't put Claire there. If she was that insane or mental or whatever the hell happened to her - she needed ot be there. So she could get better."

She pressed her other hand against his other cheek, holding his face between her hands as she looked directly at him.

"Listen to me Jack - of course you were meant to come back. Otherwise that freightie never would have rescued you. And it's better here than back on some island that everyone seems to be buzzing about - was there just something I missed about that island?" She asked quietly, ignoring the doors as they opened.